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A Little About Me
Well I guess this is the part when I tell you a little about me. My name is
Amanda Leonard. I currently live in a beautiful tourist town, Traverse City,
Michigan. I have spent a good part of my life here but have lived in several areas
around the state.
I spent the early part of my life looking for a spiritual path, and like the
majority of us Americans it was the norm to follow the Christian lead. I was sent
to Sunday school and when I around 12 years old my mom got “saved.” and we
all started the church thing heavy duty. They were Bible thumpers of the worst
kind; Independent Fundamental Baptists. I will never forgive those people. The
pastor was a perverted freak and a mean controlling Bastard. He was eventually
thrown out of the church. They had their own school for a few years. I attended
until I was expelled because my mom refused his sexual advances….
Um yeah they were a nice bunch of Christians…..
I know a lot about the bible, I studied a lot. I read it a lot. I actually at one point
in my life thought maybe I was called to be an evangelist. But In all Honesty I
could never fully believe any god would kill his own son to save my soul… the
whole thing seemed like a fairy tale to me, especially after I had children.
I remember listening to people say “It is true because it is the WORD OF GOD.”
Even as a child, I wondered,” how do they know that to be a fact?” I mean not that
I think Jesus never was, I mean, we have proof to the fact that he was actually a
person. Perfect love does not involve a human sacrifice…. Does it? I would much
rather see the portrait of him sitting with all the little children in his lap the way
I believed his spirit to be, kind and loving, not hanging dead on a cross.
My Image of Jesus is that of a healer and a teacher, a person whose good news to
the world was; we have the power to change our lives with the spirit we were born
with. He let us know that this spirit is never ending, but goes on forever. So that’
s all good stuff. My problem isn’t with Jesus, it is with Christians who oppress,
scare and rob the masses with their and blanket judgments, and threats of a
never ending eternity of hell...
Hundreds of people just like Jesus were murdered during this time and after.
Okay, okay … I could go on about the Christian theories forever, and I may just
do that in one of my blogs, but right now I’m trying to explain how I became a
witch.
I must have been about nineteen when I bought my first deck of Tarot cards. It
was from a dirty cluttered little magic shop on Division Street in Grand Rapids,
Michigan. The card were used I believe, and I had no Idea how to use them. I think
they cost me around five dollars. They were Rider Waite, they were written in
Russian. I have to admit some of the pictures were a little scary to me especially
with the Christian thing going on. But within a couple weeks I bought an old
tarot instruction book at a used bookstore. At the same time I purchased several
astrology books and tried to educate myself in both.
I don’t remember what ever happened to those cards. I never liked the energy of
them and I almost gave up on tarot. I know I felt guilty for even owning the deck.
I always felt a connection to the unseen and would have premonitions often, most
I would keep to myself because I was afraid talking about it could make it happen
or make it real in some way. I periodically would study the Tarot and psychic
development but it wasn’t anything I talked about much. Back when I was in
Girls Training School (Yes, I was in trouble as a teen) I held a séance that scared
myself and four other girls out of their wits. Not only did a few things fly off
the walls in the old reform school but my peers told me I was talking in a
strange voice and in a different language….I know it sounds crazy but I have no
memory as to that part of it.
After my first child was born I became more and more interested in other
religions and I read about Buddhism and Native American beliefs. From time to
time I would get out a deck of tarot and play around, sometimes doing readings
for friends or family. Everyone was surprised how accurate I could pick out
influences from the past and also predict the events to come.
After almost 4 years of marriage and 3 kids I got divorced. Moved back upstate
with the kids, more free to dabble in the craft, I did so, buying books of spells and
majik, they were pretty hard to come by then compared to now. But I had a nice
collection.
But life situations once again pulled me away from the craft and I started going
to a Pentecostal church.
I loved the music and fellowship there; I attended 5 services a week. I prayed for
people, I laid hands on people, and I believed I healed people. I felt filled with the
Holy Spirit.
I did spell work (which I now know it to be) and I prayed A LOT! I made up little
rituals and I did believe at that time that the energy and power behind it was
through the spirit of Jesus. I was involved in the church and wanted to do more,
but there were several problems with that; I was a female, a divorced female , I
had four kids and then’
I was raped by a person I gave a ride to. Someone I had known for quite some
time.
I of course pressed charges and all that but that’s another story.
I went to my pastor with this who blatantly told me that it was my fault and I
had practically asked my attacker to do it. He also told me I was now possessed
with the same evil he had and I would need to repent for being raped!!! I had
already been noticing that our church was very sexist especially my pastor. The
next service I went to was my last I went to the alter to pray for people that had
gone up and my pastors body guards stopped me in front of the church and told
me I was not allowed to pray for people there also that god had a message for me.
In front of everyone in the church he called me whore and a witch, he said god
knew my heart and intentions ,God new that I seduced my attacker and he
wanted me to admit that and repent in front of the church. All at once four or five
people started praying and touching me some were yelling at the spirit they
thought was in me. I remember looking at the pastor and seeing the arrogant self
righteous look of contentment on his face. I broke away from the people (which
was not an easy task.) I had to physically force their hands off me! I went
directly to my children’s classes and took them out … the people in the church
actually tried to keep me from my children telling me that they weren’t
dismissed from class. It was crazy. These people were seriously brain washed. I
had to threaten to bring the cops before they let me take my kids out of there.
I’m pretty sure they were convinced I was actually possessed by the time I got out
of there I was indescribably infuriated! I was so mad every time I spoke the
lights flickered in that place……..I’m not even kidding.
This was actually the last time I ever went to church.
A lot of things changed drastically after that. Without hesitation after the
church thingy I pulled out the old decks of Tarot I had and bought some new
books on witchcraft. I was surprised how familiar all the practices seemed to me,
like I had lived this life so many times before. I blew though those books and
bought more and more. Spells that I had no way of knowing came to me without
even an effort and I finally started to become a little more open about being a
witch.
My life at that time was chaotic, the rape and many other things revived many
hidden memories of past sexual abuse. I was at a point in my life when I felt
nothing I had ever thought to be true or ever had believed in was real anymore. I
learned people lie, people lie to gain control. I learned because a number of people
say things should be a certain way no one really knows it to truly be the way it
should be. I learned people are afraid , so afraid of everything , that they hide
behind religion, tradition and beliefs that they think will save their lives or their
souls, so so afraid of eternal death, I learned how to forgive people during this
time. I learned about true compassion and I aspired to have that as part of my
personal attributes. But the most important thing I learned is that I am in charge
of this life I am living and I have the power to create and manifest my desires,
my life and myself. Oh yeah I started believing in my psychic gifts and Wow
…….
I opened my spirit to the universe to guide me. I began to realize that to honor a
God or Goddess of any kind we must first honor that same spirit within
ourselves. I decided to set out on the path to find truth and to quench this
longing I had to connect to the giver of the life in my spirit. Once I opened my
mind to the possibility that I may really be here for some spiritual purpose, my
drive to learn more grew greater and I continue to explore more things to find out
what I should be doing with this existence.
Now after all these years of digging through religious dogma, I now find my
strength in the belief that I, my spirit , my strong feminine energy, my majik,
my purpose is divinely connected to all there is. It is also my belief that all
womyn are witches per se, we possess the ability to manipulate the energy around
us (spell cast) we are naturally creators. And although I call out to or ask for
the presence of the Great Spirit and Goddesses in all majik and ritual , It is now
my deeply seeded belief, like you, I am she.
Blessings and Peace, Amanda Leonard
Amanda Leonard. I currently live in a beautiful tourist town, Traverse City,
Michigan. I have spent a good part of my life here but have lived in several areas
around the state.
I spent the early part of my life looking for a spiritual path, and like the
majority of us Americans it was the norm to follow the Christian lead. I was sent
to Sunday school and when I around 12 years old my mom got “saved.” and we
all started the church thing heavy duty. They were Bible thumpers of the worst
kind; Independent Fundamental Baptists. I will never forgive those people. The
pastor was a perverted freak and a mean controlling Bastard. He was eventually
thrown out of the church. They had their own school for a few years. I attended
until I was expelled because my mom refused his sexual advances….
Um yeah they were a nice bunch of Christians…..
I know a lot about the bible, I studied a lot. I read it a lot. I actually at one point
in my life thought maybe I was called to be an evangelist. But In all Honesty I
could never fully believe any god would kill his own son to save my soul… the
whole thing seemed like a fairy tale to me, especially after I had children.
I remember listening to people say “It is true because it is the WORD OF GOD.”
Even as a child, I wondered,” how do they know that to be a fact?” I mean not that
I think Jesus never was, I mean, we have proof to the fact that he was actually a
person. Perfect love does not involve a human sacrifice…. Does it? I would much
rather see the portrait of him sitting with all the little children in his lap the way
I believed his spirit to be, kind and loving, not hanging dead on a cross.
My Image of Jesus is that of a healer and a teacher, a person whose good news to
the world was; we have the power to change our lives with the spirit we were born
with. He let us know that this spirit is never ending, but goes on forever. So that’
s all good stuff. My problem isn’t with Jesus, it is with Christians who oppress,
scare and rob the masses with their and blanket judgments, and threats of a
never ending eternity of hell...
Hundreds of people just like Jesus were murdered during this time and after.
Okay, okay … I could go on about the Christian theories forever, and I may just
do that in one of my blogs, but right now I’m trying to explain how I became a
witch.
I must have been about nineteen when I bought my first deck of Tarot cards. It
was from a dirty cluttered little magic shop on Division Street in Grand Rapids,
Michigan. The card were used I believe, and I had no Idea how to use them. I think
they cost me around five dollars. They were Rider Waite, they were written in
Russian. I have to admit some of the pictures were a little scary to me especially
with the Christian thing going on. But within a couple weeks I bought an old
tarot instruction book at a used bookstore. At the same time I purchased several
astrology books and tried to educate myself in both.
I don’t remember what ever happened to those cards. I never liked the energy of
them and I almost gave up on tarot. I know I felt guilty for even owning the deck.
I always felt a connection to the unseen and would have premonitions often, most
I would keep to myself because I was afraid talking about it could make it happen
or make it real in some way. I periodically would study the Tarot and psychic
development but it wasn’t anything I talked about much. Back when I was in
Girls Training School (Yes, I was in trouble as a teen) I held a séance that scared
myself and four other girls out of their wits. Not only did a few things fly off
the walls in the old reform school but my peers told me I was talking in a
strange voice and in a different language….I know it sounds crazy but I have no
memory as to that part of it.
After my first child was born I became more and more interested in other
religions and I read about Buddhism and Native American beliefs. From time to
time I would get out a deck of tarot and play around, sometimes doing readings
for friends or family. Everyone was surprised how accurate I could pick out
influences from the past and also predict the events to come.
After almost 4 years of marriage and 3 kids I got divorced. Moved back upstate
with the kids, more free to dabble in the craft, I did so, buying books of spells and
majik, they were pretty hard to come by then compared to now. But I had a nice
collection.
But life situations once again pulled me away from the craft and I started going
to a Pentecostal church.
I loved the music and fellowship there; I attended 5 services a week. I prayed for
people, I laid hands on people, and I believed I healed people. I felt filled with the
Holy Spirit.
I did spell work (which I now know it to be) and I prayed A LOT! I made up little
rituals and I did believe at that time that the energy and power behind it was
through the spirit of Jesus. I was involved in the church and wanted to do more,
but there were several problems with that; I was a female, a divorced female , I
had four kids and then’
I was raped by a person I gave a ride to. Someone I had known for quite some
time.
I of course pressed charges and all that but that’s another story.
I went to my pastor with this who blatantly told me that it was my fault and I
had practically asked my attacker to do it. He also told me I was now possessed
with the same evil he had and I would need to repent for being raped!!! I had
already been noticing that our church was very sexist especially my pastor. The
next service I went to was my last I went to the alter to pray for people that had
gone up and my pastors body guards stopped me in front of the church and told
me I was not allowed to pray for people there also that god had a message for me.
In front of everyone in the church he called me whore and a witch, he said god
knew my heart and intentions ,God new that I seduced my attacker and he
wanted me to admit that and repent in front of the church. All at once four or five
people started praying and touching me some were yelling at the spirit they
thought was in me. I remember looking at the pastor and seeing the arrogant self
righteous look of contentment on his face. I broke away from the people (which
was not an easy task.) I had to physically force their hands off me! I went
directly to my children’s classes and took them out … the people in the church
actually tried to keep me from my children telling me that they weren’t
dismissed from class. It was crazy. These people were seriously brain washed. I
had to threaten to bring the cops before they let me take my kids out of there.
I’m pretty sure they were convinced I was actually possessed by the time I got out
of there I was indescribably infuriated! I was so mad every time I spoke the
lights flickered in that place……..I’m not even kidding.
This was actually the last time I ever went to church.
A lot of things changed drastically after that. Without hesitation after the
church thingy I pulled out the old decks of Tarot I had and bought some new
books on witchcraft. I was surprised how familiar all the practices seemed to me,
like I had lived this life so many times before. I blew though those books and
bought more and more. Spells that I had no way of knowing came to me without
even an effort and I finally started to become a little more open about being a
witch.
My life at that time was chaotic, the rape and many other things revived many
hidden memories of past sexual abuse. I was at a point in my life when I felt
nothing I had ever thought to be true or ever had believed in was real anymore. I
learned people lie, people lie to gain control. I learned because a number of people
say things should be a certain way no one really knows it to truly be the way it
should be. I learned people are afraid , so afraid of everything , that they hide
behind religion, tradition and beliefs that they think will save their lives or their
souls, so so afraid of eternal death, I learned how to forgive people during this
time. I learned about true compassion and I aspired to have that as part of my
personal attributes. But the most important thing I learned is that I am in charge
of this life I am living and I have the power to create and manifest my desires,
my life and myself. Oh yeah I started believing in my psychic gifts and Wow
…….
I opened my spirit to the universe to guide me. I began to realize that to honor a
God or Goddess of any kind we must first honor that same spirit within
ourselves. I decided to set out on the path to find truth and to quench this
longing I had to connect to the giver of the life in my spirit. Once I opened my
mind to the possibility that I may really be here for some spiritual purpose, my
drive to learn more grew greater and I continue to explore more things to find out
what I should be doing with this existence.
Now after all these years of digging through religious dogma, I now find my
strength in the belief that I, my spirit , my strong feminine energy, my majik,
my purpose is divinely connected to all there is. It is also my belief that all
womyn are witches per se, we possess the ability to manipulate the energy around
us (spell cast) we are naturally creators. And although I call out to or ask for
the presence of the Great Spirit and Goddesses in all majik and ritual , It is now
my deeply seeded belief, like you, I am she.
Blessings and Peace, Amanda Leonard
